


Return of the Blue Wind

by Zanganito



Category: Kyou Kara Maou!
Genre: Action/Adventure, Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Blue Wind, Crossdressing, Dai Shimaron, Gen, Humor, Innuendo, M/M, Parody, Superheroes, mud-wrestling, paternalism, weevils
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2018-01-02 11:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zanganito/pseuds/Zanganito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Conrad decides to play superhero again in Dai Shimaron. Yozak helps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Crisis in Xursa

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** I don't own Kyo kara Maou.
> 
> * * *

_Our epic story of heroic bravery begins in Xursa. It is a small, nondescript village located in Dai Shimaron. Not having enough funds to build wells, and having a very low water table, the citizens of Xursa are almost entirely dependent on an elaborate water catchment system for their water supply. Gutters run along the edges of every roof-top and flat surface, and the water is storied in a series of enormous wooden tanks that are elevated on scaffolding in order to ensure adequate water pressure even when the water levels in the tanks are low._

_The citizens of Xursa are hardworking and quaint, as are most citizens of small nondescript villages. They spend each and every day industriously and cheerfully going about their mundane chores, always grateful for the convenience of the water catchment system. For if it didn't exist, they would have to hike many arduous miles up an imposing mountain in order to get a single bucket of water from a stream._

_But then one day, disaster struck…_

_~o~_

Adalgisa woke up cheerfully and ran to the window. It had finally stopped raining. She frowned slightly as she remembered the terrible storms of the last few days.

Then she heard some shouting from the streets, and ran outside to investigate, since it was unusual to hear such shouting in Xursa. Usually the only sounds to be heard were when cheerful villagers spontaneously decided to sing a cheerful heartwarming song.

Adalgisa scanned the street, trying to find the cause of the distressed shouting. Then she happened to glance over at the water tanks. She gasped in horror, as she realized what was happening. The rains from the storm had entirely filled all of the water receptacles. A section of the scaffolding had been damaged by the storm's strong winds.

The overly heavy receptacle teetered back and forth precariously on the weakened scaffolding. If it fell, the large, expensive water tank might crack under the pressure. And it would probably take some of the piping along with it. It would take a great deal of time and money to repair such damage if such horrendous catastrophic damage occurred.

Wailing and distressed cries filled the streets. "Oh no!" cried one villager.

"We're doomed," weeped another.

And it was a piteous site indeed.

"If only there was someone who could help us! Adalgisa exclaimed.

_And then a swishing and rustle of cloth was heard from one of the roof-tops. The villager's pulses quickened in anticipation as they wondered if a hero had arrived to save them from their abysmal fate._

" _Look! Up there!" someone shouted. And indeed, with a glorious flourish of his cerulean cape, the Blue Wind had arrived!_

_He was clad in a finely tailored cobalt uniform that accentuated his heroic figure. His heroic superhero identity was protected by an indigo mask that covered the lower portion of his face. His kind chestnut but silver-speckled eyes looked out over the town, sympathizing with their dire plight._

_And his gorgeous chestnut locks swayed slightly in the breeze, causing some of the villagers to swoon._

_He was accompanied by a loyal and devoted orange-haired sidekick, who most likely played the role of comic relief._

_~o~_

Adalgisa crept along the edges of a building to watch as the hero and his sidekick fixed Xursa's impending water problem.

"If we empty the tanks, Captain, the villagers won't have any water. What we could do is use some rope and leverage to tilt them back, and then the villagers could repair the scaffolding while the weight is off of the damaged part."

Adalgisa gasped at this flagrant breach of heroic etiquette. Such was her indignation that she stepped out of the shadows to address the heroes directly, "But you're heroes!" she snapped in righteous indignation. "You're supposed to fix everything yourselves!"

"See? I told you I was right. I know how this hero stuff works, Yozak. We have to do all the work ourselves, or it's not epic heroic bravery."

"Oh, but you misunderstand, captain. You can stand over there and direct the villagers' work. It's called heroic supervising. And it ends up being more sustainable in the long run."

The Blue Wind looked slightly uncertain, but followed his sidekick's suggestion.

Then the orange-haired man turned to address Adalgisa. "Little girl," he said with a patronizing smile that was almost predatory, "Why don't you go find some carpenters who can help repair the scaffolding?"

"Uh…ok," replied Adalgisa. She still wasn't sure about the whole "heroic supervising" thing, but surely the Blue Wind knew what he was doing. He was a hero after all.

A short time later the industrious cheerful villagers had gathered to repair the scaffolding. Yozak lassoed the water tank, and used his enormous biceps to tilt it back away from the damaged wood. The Blue Wind heroically supervised. The sight of his cerulean cape flapping elegantly in the wind inspired the villagers to work harder.

~o~

_Before the sun set, heralding the ending of the day, the scaffolding had been entirely repaired. An enormous cheer of gratitude emanated from the grateful citizens. Their elaborate water catchment system had been fixed!_

_And thus the water supply of an entire town was single-handedly saved from devastation by the Blue Wind._

_Then the mayor who governed over Xursa and the surrounding territories approached the famed hero in order to profess his utmost gratitude. "How can we ever repay you for saving our water supply and fixing the …uh…barrels…" he began. The mayor was so overcome by emotion that he was at a loss for words._

_But the kind-hearted hero did not seem to mind. He tilted his head slightly, as if in anticipation, and waited respectfully for the mayor to finish speaking._

_The mayor's face turned a slight shade of crimson as he struggled to profess his gratitude in a coherent manner. "…Containers?"_

_Then a random villager in the crowd provided the word that was currently eluding the mayor. "Tanks!" he shouted._

_The hero's eyes formed silvery crescent-moons and he graciously replied, "You're welcome."_

_Then with a final flourish of his cerulean cape, the dashing hero rode off into the sunset._

_And thus the legend of the Blue Wind grew. Tales of his heroic bravery spread throughout the land. He was said to be able to fell twenty mighty giants with a single pass of his sword._

_And his sense of humor was reputed to be so terrible that it could vanquish an entire army in mere seconds._

* * *


	2. A Crime-Fighter Like...Butterflyman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p> **Author's notes:** Butterflyman is novel canon.
> 
> And if you want more insight on how awesome Butterflyman and Ninja Conrad can be, check out ShinyShimaron's _Ruminations of Conrad the Ninja_!
> 
> * * *

Conrad was very bored. It was the kind of bored that only happened when Yuuri wasn't around. He had no-one to guard, no-one to go on a morning run with, and no-one to play baseball with. Conrad had tried playing baseball with Wolfram once, but that had quickly turned into a game of dodge the fireballs, which wasn't nearly as fun as baseball. Even though Wolfram had become somewhat more mature lately, he still lost his temper quite easily when he wasn't good at something.

Since he currently had nothing better to do, he leaned against the wall in Gwendel's office and watched as Yozak arrived to give his latest spy report.

"How is the situation in Dai Shimaron?" Gwendel asked.

"Not good," said Yozak. "Adalbert has been a little too effective at creating resistance to Lanzhil's rule."

Gwendel grunted and his eye twitched at that piece of news, but he motioned for Yozak to continue.

"Lanzhil is afraid of a revolution, and has started imposing martial law. He recently closed the borders and is also restricting travel within the country."

"How did you manage to leave?" Gwendel asked.

Yozak put a hand on Gwendel's desk and leaned over. "That's a trade secret," he said with a wink.

Gwendel just grunted.

Yozak straightened up. "There are rumors that King Saralegui might become involved." he added.

Gwendel made a note on a piece of parchment, but didn't say anything.

Conrad frowned. As much as it would be a good thing if Lanzhil were to be disposed, what would happen if he were replaced by someone even worse? Or if Saralegui took over and had control of both Dai and Shou Shimaron?

"Dismissed," Gwendel said. Then he went back to his current paperwork with a slight twitch to his eyebrow.

Yozak left the room loudly proclaiming how much better the baths in Shin Makoku were than the ones in Dai Shimaron.

Gwendel twitched slightly again, but otherwise didn't respond.

"Gwendel…" Conrad began.

"No," Gwendel said gruffly without looking up from his paperwork.

"What?" Conrad asked

Gwendel put down his quill for a moment and looked up, "I know what you are thinking, and the answer is no. His Majesty might not be around, but do you ever consider how the rest of us feel when you run off and get yourself into dangerous situations all the time?" Gwendel coughed as if expressing so much emotion risked bringing on a physical ailment, and continued gruffly, "As the Maou's personal guard you need to learn to be more responsible."

"Don't worry, Gwendel, I'm not planning on getting myself in any dangerous situations," Conrad said.

Gwendel just grunted, and absorbed himself in his paperwork once more.

Conrad left Gwendel's office reflecting that he had only promised not to get himself into a dangerous situation. He hadn't said anything about not running off to Dai Shimaron to dress up as the Blue Wind again. That sort of thing was perfectly safe after all.

~o~

The last time that Conrad had helped people as the Blue Wind, it had been fun. Kind of like getting to act like his favorite superhero from Earth: Butterflyman. It was really too bad he couldn't shoot silk thread or have a chrysalis car like Butterflyman. At night, Butterflyman would drive his chrysalis car through the streets of Mothman city and emerge fully formed to fight for justice. Then the caped hero would fly through the night, throwing wing scales at the bad guys. There was even a skyscraper on Earth that was named the Chrysalis building in honor of Butterflyman. Conrad wondered if he should try asking Yuuri to bring him back a chrysalis car sometime. José had shown him a car on Earth once that he claimed was a chrysalis car, but it hadn't looked anything like Butterflyman's car, so obviously it had been a fake.

Even if he couldn't have neat lepidopteran gadgets, all Conrad really needed was his sword and an awesome outfit to conceal his identity.

But what did it really mean to be a hero like Butterflyman? Even Butterflyman himself didn't know sometimes. All he knew is that he was different, had fed on the leaves of tragedy and fear until he became something disgusting and unrecognizable. A worm, and not just any worm, but the type of worm that feeds on garden vegetables and makes old ladies scream with rage when they find the skeletonized remains of their plants covered in caterpillar feces. And when Butterflyman realized what he had become, he decided to change. Not a superficial change, but a deep one that broke down everything that he had become and rebuilt it through a painful process called metamorphosis. But even when Butterflyman emerged fully formed and drastically changed, he was still the same worm deep underneath. And he fought for justice for people who hated and despised him. Maybe they knew he was still a worm deep down inside, but at least he had pieced himself back together and was trying to make the world a better place.

In a way, it was kind of fitting that Butterflyman had been afraid of butterflies, since the metaphor of change fit him so well.

Conrad opened the secret compartment under his dresser drawer and checked the contents inside. They were still there. The light blue cape, the blue uniform, the thick brown gloves, and the dark purple face mask. He quickly stuffed all the articles into a travel pack.

Conrad doubted that anyone would miss him. He wouldn't be gone for very long, just enough to stabilize the situation in Dai Shimaron a little. Gwendel would probably still be working on the same stack of paperwork by the time he returned. Besides, it wasn't like there was anything pressing for Conrad to do at the castle right now.

He was just finishing up saddling his horse when Yozak dropped down out of the stable rafters.

"Going somewhere, captain?" he asked.

"Yozak, I think it's time for a return of the Blue Wind," Conrad said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. This time he will be helping the people by stabilizing things," Conrad said.

"So, we're going to stabilize things. Wouldn't that just be undoing what we did before?" Yozak asked.

Conrad wondered why Yozak had used the word 'we'. Did that mean Yozak would be coming with him? Most heroes had sidekicks. Butterflyman had the Vedalia Beetle, who followed him around devotedly and sometimes helped. But mostly sidekicks just wanted to learn from the more experienced hero.

"No. Last time we helped the people by inciting riots that they wanted to have anyway. This time we're going to make things more stable and help people. That makes the Blue Wind _twice_ as heroic," Conrad explained.

"Well, if you say so, captain," Yozak replied uncertainly.

"Don't worry, Yozak. When I was on Earth I learned about superheroes from a show called Butterflyman. I'll teach you everything I know."

"Butterflyman?" Yozak asked.

"Yes. It was about a man who dressed up as a Butterfly and flew around Mothman City fighting criminals."

"Sure, captain," Yozak said as they began riding off. He knew better than to question anything Conrad said about Earth.


	3. Yozak Wrestles an Alligator

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** Unfunny jokes, innuendo. As the title implies, there is some alligator hunting violence.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own the first few jokes, or Kyo kara Maou.
> 
> Thanks to ShinyShimaron for beta-reading this chapter!
> 
> * * *

After leaving Blood Pledge Castle far behind, Conrad and Yozak headed towards Dai Shimaron. Since the border had been closed, they would have to take a lesser known path through a dense swamp. Conrad was still wearing his brown military uniform as he did not want to attract too much attention before leaving Shin Makoku.

As they rode their horses over rolling hills that gradually gave way to muddy streams and thick underbrush, Conrad passed the time by teaching Yozak how to be a superhero. Conrad decided that Yozak's first lesson in the way of the superhero would be the teaching of the awesome superhero joke. Puns were harder to master and would be saved for a later day. Conrad had read a joke book at José's once, and had found that Earth jokes were easy to learn.

"What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?" Conrad asked.

"I don't know, what time is it?" Yozak asked, not sounding very enthusiastic.

"Time to build a new fence!" Conrad answered.

"Well, that was pretty obvious, how could I ever have missed that one?" Yozak asked in a tone that sounded alarmingly close to sarcasm.

Conrad narrowed his eyes at Yozak. Such heresy would not be permitted. "What is yellow and goes 'click-click'?"

"A yellow elephant?" Yozak guessed.

"No," Conrad said with a slight frown. Couldn't Yozak tell he had finished with the elephant jokes and had moved on to banana jokes? "A ballpoint banana!"

"What's a ballpoint banana?"

"It's kind of hard to explain if you haven't been to Earth," Conrad said. "What is yellow and goes _swoosh_?"

Yozak didn't even bother trying to guess.

"A flying banana!" Conrad said with a laugh.

They continued on in silence as the ground started to become softer under their horses' hooves.

"What is blue and goes _swoosh_?" Conrad asked.

"The Blue Wind?" Yozak guessed.

"Right! I came up with that last one myself," Conrad said proudly. "But you only got one right so far. You need to work on your sense of humor, Yozak."

"I don't think I could ever tell jokes like you do, Captain." Yozak said.

"I guess it's an art," Conrad mused. They rode on in silence for a few moments. "Do you think Yuuri would like the Blue Wind joke?"

Yozak just laughed.

"Hey, I just thought of another one," Conrad said. "What's orange and goes _swoosh_?"

"What?" Yozak asked.

"The Blue Wind's sidekick when he gets thrown off a cliff!"

Yozak seemed to get kind of grumpy after that last joke. Conrad couldn't imagine why.

~o~

Herman III and Marie were good little children who lived in the vast swamp that spread between the borders of Shin Makoku, Sho Shimaron, and Dai Shimaron. Their father Herman II worked for a reforestation company in Sho Shimaron, which meant that he spent most of his time cutting down trees. Sometimes he planted trees too, so that his bosses could get something called a government subsidy that they used to buy elaborate clothing so they could suck up to King Saralegui, and get even more subsidies. Since Herman II did most of the actual work for the company, he was paid a salary with which he could barely afford to feed his family. Still, Herman II, his wife Dagna, their children Herman III and Marie, and the rest of their extended family were happy. And that's what really mattered.

Today Herman III and his sister Marie were out in a densely forested part of the swamp, catching some crawfish for their family like the good little children that they were.

They brought up their makeshift net with a swoosh of cloth and dripping water.

"Look Marie, we caught a big one this time!" Herman III exclaimed. Then he picked the crawfish up by its midsection, and gingerly avoided the flailing claws as he placed it in their sack.

Marie squealed in delight and picked up a few smaller crawfish that had been caught in their net.

As they prepared to pass their net through the murky waters once more, Marie paused. "Herman, I think I just saw something move over by that log," she said.

Herman III craned his neck to see what Marie was talking about. He saw some bubbles on the water surface, but they were much closer than the area that Marie had pointed out.

"I think it's just a snapping turtle, Marie," Herman III said.

But before Herman III and Marie could ready their net for another pass through the stagnant waters, an enormous mouth rose from the depths of the swamp. The beast opened its long jaws, and the children could see the jagged, glistening teeth belonging to the largest alligator they had ever seen in their entire life. The children turned with a scream and ran towards a patch of higher ground, even though they knew they would never be able to outrun the deceptively swift beast.

But just when Herman III thought that his young life was about to end, there was a flash of orange hair, and an enormous bicep curled around the alligator's neck. A beefy hand clamped the fearsome mouth shut, and muscular thighs and calves wrapped around the creature's belly.

The children stared in awe for a moment, as never before had they witnessed any person challenge such an oversized reptile. The beast moved its short powerful legs in an attempt to roll free or crush its captor, but was no match for the enormous muscles that held it in place.

Herman III and Marie started edging away to find an adult to help, as they were children and did not know what to do in this type of situation.

Yozak grunted with the strain of immobilizing the alligator. His hand nearly slipped, and he let go of the alligator's snout for a moment in order to reposition his hand.

"A little help here, captain?"

Conrad stepped forward and dramatically put one foot on the alligator's snout. He paused dramatically for a few seconds in this heroic pose as a slight breeze ruffled his hair. Then he reached for his sword.

_And it was said, in the deep far reaches of the murkiest swamp, that the Blue Wind, under the guise of a traveling swordsman, did unsheathe his brilliant blade. The sun glinted off tempered steel as the heroic swordsman lifted up his sword. And with one blow, the Blue Wind did smite the ferocious beast single-handedly._

"Alligators have a weak spot right behind their head," Conrad explained as he withdrew his sword and carefully wiped off the alligator blood.

"That's nice to know," Yozak said as he untangled himself from the dead alligator, stood up and brushed some of the mud off of his tunic. "It would have been even nicer if you had been faster to help."

"I was letting you practice," Conrad explained. "Really Yozak, you might be losing your touch. That alligator almost slipped away."

Conrad could have sworn that he saw Yozak scowling at him out of the corner of his eye. He frowned. After all he had done to help his friend learn the way of the superhero, how could Yozak be so ungrateful?

~o~

Conrad turned to look where they had left the horses. Fortunately they were still there. "Yozak, I think-"

Suddenly, with an alligator-like swiftness, Yozak's giant biceps slipped under Conrad's arms, tilting him back against Yozak's bulging muscular chest. Before Conrad could react, Yozak quickly interlaced his hands behind Conrad's neck.

"Yozak, what are you doing?" Conrad demanded.

"You said I need more practice wrestling," Yozak said with a predatory laugh.

Conrad let his body go limp, so that the weight of his enormous shoulders rested on Yozak's biceps.

Yozak staggered under the weight, but adjusted his stance to compensate.

Conrad waited for Yozak to tire or make a mistake. In the meantime, he could try being distracting. "I just thought of another joke," Conrad said. "What's green and-"

Yozak allowed himself to tip forward and fall into the mud, with Conrad underneath.

SPLAT!

Yozak grunted as Conrad elbowed him in the ribs and kicked him in the shin simultaneously. Who would have guessed Conrad would be harder to wrestle than an alligator?

Conrad twisted his body sideways, rammed his shoulder into Yozak's and managed to slip out of the vise-like bicep hold. Then he turned around and kicked Yozak in the stomach.

Yozak grabbed Conrad's boot and pulled, throwing Conrad off balance, and then grabbed Conrad's torso in another bicep-vise hold.

"You can't win so easily without your sword, captain."

"That's because you fight dirty, Yozak," Conrad said while twisting around and flinging a clump of mud at Yozak's face.

Yozak gasped in indignation and wiped the mud off of his face.

Conrad moved a few feet away and started flicking gobs of mud at Yozak's hair. "Hey Yozak, what is orange and-" Conrad began.

Yozak tackled Conrad before he could finish his newest joke.

They wrestled for a few more minutes until they were both out of breath and completely covered in mud.

"You might be rubbing off on me," Yozak teased.

"Speak for yourself," Conrad said grumpily.

"I'm serious. I just thought of a joke. What's brown all over and covered in brown?"

Conrad shoved a chunk of mud into Yozak's mouth.

~o~

When Herman III, Marie, and their family members arrived at the scene, they found two mud-covered men sitting next to an enormous dead alligator. _That gator must have put up quite a fight!_

Then they all had a giant alligator meat barbeque, to thank the heroic men for saving Herman III and Marie.


	4. A Beary Un-Bee-lievable Situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Kyou kara Maou
> 
>  **Beta Reader:** ShinyShimaron
> 
>  **Warning:** More animal hunting violence.
> 
> And you should bee prepared for some bad puns.

Some time after having heroically, bravely, and single-handedly rescued the quaint town of Xursa from its impending doom, the Blue Wind saw fit to commence a larger task. And enormous indeed was the ample Mountain range of Trigona. The ragged precipices loomed ominously on the horizon as the infinitely heroic Blue Wind and his trusty side-kick approached on horseback.

_Within a short passage of time, the hero fearlessly ascended the foothills of the vast mountain range._

_The Mountains were a wild place, full of many exotic flora and fauna, including the rare cliff-dwelling honey bees of Trigona._

_And it was reputed that hidden among the all the selvic wilderness, lived a sour-tempered hermit…_

"Remind again me why we have to go over this mountain, Captain," Yozak grumbled as his horse slipped on a lose piece of rock but managed to regain its footing.

"Because it's here," Conrad answered.

"Oh that makes so much sense," Yozak said as they passed near a steep cliff edge.

Conrad had two reasons for riding up the mountain. One, it would be a good opportunity to try and teach Yozak the art of the superhero pun, and two, he just might have a few hermit distant relatives left up there.

But now he was faced with a difficult decision. Should he continue up the mountain with Yozak, or would it be better the take advantage of the steep cliff that was practically begging to have a certain someone pushed off?

Of course, if he pushed Yozak off the cliff, then Conrad would have to unload the horses all by himself. Maybe some other time, then. Conrad was sure another opportunity to push Yozak off of something would come up.

"I might have some human relatives left up here," Conrad said.

"I thought all your relatives were killed off by Ranjeel," Yozak said.

"Only the legitimate ones with a claim to the throne," Conrad said. "There would be too many to kill off otherwise."

Yozak grunted in comprehension.

"There are lots of bees up here too," Conrad said. Yozak still didn't have a very good sense of humor, so he should probably start with something easy. Bees were a good place to start for beginning puns. It was un-bee-lievably easy to make bee puns.

~o~

_The sun climbed higher into the azure sky as our valiant hero doggedly scaled the rugged precipices._

_But their greatest challenge still lay ahead of them. For the hermit was reputed to posses a heart as cold as stone…_

"Are we there yet?" Yozak asked.

"You'll know as soon as you see a lot of bees," Conrad replied. His father had brought him up this mountain once in order to visit distant relatives.

_In the twinkling of an eye, the Blue Wind's path was blocked by a wild eyed being. Her robes flew about wildly as she confronted the intruders. Her eyes blazed with the fury of a human bent on defending her loved ones from demonic intruders._

"Halt! Who goes there?" a small elderly woman demanded as she held a quarter-staff threateningly in the air.

"Mathilde?" Conrad asked.

The old woman scowled, "How do you know my grandmother's name?"

"I met her last time I visited. I'm Conrad Weller."

"Weller?" Iridina asked as she lowered her quarter-staff. She narrowed her eyes.

"We're half-human." Yozak said helpfully.

"Well, come get something to eat at least," Iridina said as she walked towards her hovel. "Then we can talk." It was an unwritten rule of rural hospitality that travelers were always given food.

_And the hermit was so profoundly inspired by the regal presence of the Blue Wind that she did lay out before them an impressive feast._

Conrad and Yozak sipped gritty coffee as Iridina served them something known as hachinoko in Yuuri's country.

"We wouldn't have eaten bugs if we'd stayed in town," Yozak said with a pout.

Iridina sat across from them and glared at Yozak. Then she took a sip of her coffee. "What are you up to?" she asked.

"We're just blowing through," Conrad said politely.

"You mean you have nothing better to do?" Iridina asked as she blew her nose.

There was a long awkward pause as they slowly ate their food.

"So, you're related to the captain," Yozak said, attempting to make small talk.

"Very distantly," she said.

"Do you have any family nearby?" Yozak continued.

"I have a son, but he moved to the city. Said I work too hard."

They could almost hear an implied _Men, they never want to work_ at the end of her words, and Yozak wondered if Anissina had ever been through this area. He stared at his toes.

"Well, if you don't have anything to do, and want to make yourselves useful, you could get rid of a bear for me," Iridinia said, "Damn pest keeps making a nuisance of himself. I'd have gotten rid of him, but he runs away too fast every time I see him.

~o~

Before leaving her hovel, Iridina showed off some of her other bee products. "That's honey," Iridina said while pointing to a barrel. "I sell the stuff that ends up fermenting as mead. She pointed to a mound of wax in the corner. "I have beeswax too." she said. "You can use to make candles and other crap. I usually sell it along with the honey to a supplier in the city."

Yozak gasped. He couldn't believe that Iridina was so apathetic towards such a treasure. Why think of all the gorgeous lipstick she could make with all that wax!

Iridina led them outside. "I'll show you where I last saw the bear," she said gruffly.

They passed near an overhang that had an open comb covered with bees hanging from it. "Those are the giant cliff-dwelling honey bees of Trigona," she said.

Yozak and Conrad looked up. The cliff-dwelling bees were famed for their ferocity. They walked quietly past. Then they neared some small boxes.

Iridina pointed to the boxes with tiny worker bees flying in and out. "Those are stingless bees," she said.

"Stingless bees?" Yozak asked as he walked closer. Those sounded like his kind of bees. One of the small, fuzzy, dark colored bees landed on his forearm. Yozak looked at the big eyes and furry face, "Aw, they're kind of cute."

"I guess cuteness is in the eye of the bee-holder," said Conrad.

Another bee landed on Yozak's arm. "Ouch!" Yozak said as he felt a sharp pain. "I thought you said they were stingless," he complained.

Irdina glowered at him, "They are. But they bite if you threaten their hive."

Yozak moved away, and rubbed his arm.

Conrad laughed and decided it had been worth it to refrain from throwing Yozak off the cliff. "You should wear gloves if the bees are too much to hand-le," he said, expertly demonstrating another clever bee-related pun to Yozak.

Yozak didn't seem to appreciate his effort. Conrad frowned. Teaching Yozak how to make a funny pun might be harder than he thought. But perhaps the Blue Wind was destined to have a humorless sidekick who could serve as a foil for the hero's incredible sense of humor.

Iridina was not amused by their antics. She pointed down the mountainside. "The bear is somewhere down there." Then she turned away to take care of her bees.

_~o~_

It wasn't long before Conrad and Yozak found evidence of the bear. There were pieces of wax and honey on the ground with bear-tracks leading away into a cave.

"We don't want to have to fight the bear in the dark in unfamiliar surroundings," Yozak said.

"What are we supposed to do, just wait?" Conrad asked. Yozak's lack of regard for proper heroic conduct was starting to become troubling.

Yozak picked up some left-over honey-comb, "I know, let's lure him out."

Conrad hid in one of the trees ninja-style, and Yozak put the honey just outside the cave entrance. Then they waited. They heard a sleepy growling yawn from within the cave. A few minutes later the bear waddled out of the cave and began eating the honey. Yozak grabbed the bear's neck and used his enormous biceps to hold it in place. Conrad drew his sword and leaped from the trees, dramatically.

_And then the Blue Wind's gleaming silver blade did slice through the air once more and in one heroic blow he did slay the fearsome, ferocious bear._

It was late when Yozak dragged the bear carcass back to Iridina's hovel. "Well, I guess you finally did something useful," she said. Then the next morning she gave them some mead and wax to take to the nearest town, since they obviously didn't have much to do.


	5. Salsipuede

King Saralegui sat on his throne and sensually shifted one of his legs underneath the other. "Is everything going as planned, Beries?" he asked as Beries approached the throne to report, as expected.

"Yes, your Highness. You have a meeting with the TQ Lumber Reforestation Company this afternoon."

Sara twirled a lock of silky hair around one finger. "And they have been 'briefed'?"

"A few soldiers have been sent to better explain your position," Beries said with an almost imperceptible upward twitch of his mouth, "I am sure they are now in a mood to reach an agreement with your Highness."

Sara leaned forward. "Very good, Beries. Is that all?"

Beries paused, "There is one intelligence report that claims Lord Weller entered Dai Shimaron nearly two weeks ago."

"Oh?" Sara asked with a raised eyebrow, "Lord Weller is in Dai Shimaron again?" he said while tapping his chin thoughtfully, "I wonder what he is up to this time?"

"We received reports that he had been seen in Xursa, but we are not certain were he is now." "He appears to be…helping people."

"Hmm," Sara said while removing his glasses, twirling them around, and sticking the tip of one end suggestively into his mouth, "I trust you will ensure Lord Weller won't be around to cause any trouble for my plans, Beries?"

Beries knelt in front of the throne and placed his hand on the hilt of his sword, "I will personally see to it that he does not interfere."

"I certainly hope so Beries," Sara said as he put his glasses back on.

\--

Conrad and Yozak carried Iridina's mead and wax down the mountain to the nearest town. Or rather, Yozak carried the mead and wax down and Conrad supervised.

Salsipuede was a medium-sized town large enough to have a few small shops and an inn and a tavern, but lacked the sparkle of cities closer to the capital. It had more of a dusty, border town feel to it. Yozak was immensely disappointed by the lack of jewelry shops and discos in town.

Still, Salsipuede was large and populated enough that Conrad decided to travel incognito for the time being. Or in other words, he wore his brown Shin Makoku military uniform.

Their first stop was to drop the wax off at a candle-maker's. Much to Yozak's delight, the store owner also sold cosmetics, most of which were beeswax based, and offered him a discount.

"You already have make-up," Conrad said. "Why do you need more?"

"These are colors and shades I don't have yet," Yozak explained while stacking 10 containers of eye shadow, 5 sticks of lipstick, and some mascara. "I need to stock up too. What if I run out?" Yozak asked while adding several more containers of make-up to his stack.

Conrad grumbled something that sounded like "Don't take too long," and went outside to wait.

"I've never used purple lipstick before," Yozak said while examining one of his many purchases while he exited the store.

"You can do that later," Conrad said as he shoved one of the barrels of mead into Yozak's arms.

Yozak sighed. One of the few disadvantages of having enormous muscles was that everyone always wanted you to carry things around for them. Did Conrad ever stop and think that maybe Yozak wanted to keep his hands free to fix his hair or arrange his purse? No. It was always _Yozak, carry this big heavy thing for me since you have giant biceps_ , all the time.

Next they went to the only inn to drop off the mead. A cheer went up as Conrad and Yozak entered the building. Apparently Iridina didn't make very many deliveries.

The inn keeper was so pleased to have a fresh delivery of mead that he offered to give Conrad and Yozak meal discounts and a discount on their stay at the inn as well.

**~o~**

Conrad started his meal of stuffed quail and wild rice, and noticed that Yozak was missing. What could Yozak be up too? Maybe he was trying on his new make-up. Still, he doubted that Yozak would miss a meal just to paint himself up.

Come to think of it, Yozak had gone missing in Xursa as well. Could Yozak in fact be up to something? Whenever the Vedalia Beetle had tried planning something behind Butterflyman's back it had never ended well. Yozak would learn his lesson eventually. Either that of he could leave him behind in Dai Shimaron along with Adelbert. Maybe it had been too long since Yozak had been thrown off a cliff? Yes that whad to be it. Yozak needed to be thrown off something at the earliest opportunity.

Some men at a nearby table began discussing the Blue Wind. Conrad half-listened as he continued his meal. One of the men objected to the claim that the Blue Wind could leap from building to building. "He leaps across buildings? That part gotta be a hoax. Maybe he's got ladders or something."

"Well, all I know is he can conjure up demon followers at will," the other man said while slamming his drink down on the table. "They say it's because he's half-demon."

"I thought he was an heir to the throne of Dai Shimaron," the first man argued. "How can a demon be an heir to the throne?"

Conrad ordered another glass of mead.

**~o~**

Yozak sat down heavily in his chair and made the legs squeak against the floor. Much to his disappointment, Conrad didn't even glance up. Yozak started his dinner. "It's cold," he complained.

" _Serves_ you right," said Conrad.

Messenger pigeons were a useful form of communication, but trying to get one out of a tree hadn't been fun. Yozak ate a few more sporkfuls of his meal. "Oh, by the way I got a letter from Gwendal," he said.

Conrad glanced up but didn't say anything.

"He mentioned something about King Saralegui being around. "Here's the letter." Yozak said as he slipped it over to Conrad. He was disappointed that Conrad didn't react to the news that Yozak had been conversing with Gwendel behind his back. Sometimes a little drama was fun. And Yozak enjoyed being the center of attention.

Conrad skimed over the letter. Yozak knew that most of it was Gwendel's boring commentary on current events, their progress, and the fact that Saralegui appeared to be up to no good, even more so than usual.

Wolfram had left a postscript, which of course did not mean that he missed Conrad at all; he was merely doing his royal duty. Wolfram's note mentioned that he never thought his brother would be so selfish as to go off gallivanting around and leave everyone else behind when there were duties at the castle, but to make sure that they got back before Yuuri returned. Unless Conrad really was self-centered enough to abandon them all.

Conrad gave Yozak a smile. One that either meant he was in a good mood and appreciated Yozak's spy work, or that he was cheerfully plotting retribution that would manifest when Yozak least expected it. Conrad had always been hard to read. He had been slightly easier to gage during his grumpy angsty phase, but not by much.

Yozak smiled back, a predatory smile just in case Conrad happened to be in a receptive type of mood. That was the best kind of mood as far as Yozak was concerned, but it didn't happen very often. Still, his chances were pretty good whenever he was alone with Conrad. Especially since they would be sleeping in an inn with real beds instead of on the ground with tree roots sticking into Yozak's back.

"So, we've got some time before the kiddo comes back at least," Yozak said, cheerfully indicating the letter.

Conrad paused to think. "If Saralegui is planning something he'll probably be near the border."

"I overheard that some of his men often stop here, since this is the largest town nearby," Yozak said.

And indeed, Salsipuede for all its faults and short-comings was a Mecca in the midst of farm land and more farm land and scattered cottages. There were tree farms to the East and corn to the West, lots of corn. So much corn that it would remind Conrad of Nebraska, if he had ever been there. But at the very least, the endless rows of grains could potentially serve as fodder for some corny jokes later.

"Well," said Yozak, "We should probably try to get an early start tomorrow morning."

"Hmm?"

"I need to prepare my undercover masterpiece in our room, Captain."

"What do you need to do?"

"Saralegui's men are somewhere near here, right? Well they have to eat and drink sometime. I'll just go out tomorrow morning and try to get a job at the tavern." Yozak pushed his chair away from the table and stood up. "It's called Alkynes of Cleavage since the building used to be a chemistry laboratory."

Conrad frowned despite the pun. "A job, doing what?"

Yozak flexed his enormous biceps. "Serving food, I have the arms for it."

Conrad grunted and pushed his chair away from the table.

As they walked down the narrow hallway towards their room, Yozak remembered there was one slightly dangerous way to gage Conrad's mood. He reached his hand down so that it was touching the small of Conrad's back. Then he moved his hand lower.

Conrad's eyes widened in surprise, and then he leaned back and smirked.

If Yozak hadn't been busy opening the door with one hand and feeling his friend up with the other, he would have fist-pumped. He was going to get lucky tonight!


	6. Yoanna the Fabulous

The first rays of the morning sunlight began to filter in to the small inn room. Yozak glanced over at the bed where Conrad was still snoring. It was probably a comfortable bed, not that he'd know since Conrad had unexpectedly decided it would be hilarious to play a game of Throw Yozak Out of the Bed last night. But that was one of the risks that came with miscalculating Conrad's mood.

Salsipuede didn't have very many stores. Yozak reflected that it was fortunate that he had packed three of his lucky dresses for this trip. And a lucky corset, lucky high heels, lucky false boobs that were a gift from Murata, a second set of fake boobs that Anissina had made, some lucky necklaces, a lucky push-up bra, a lucky garter, and lucky pantyhose.

Alkynes of Cleavage was a tavern built on the site of an old chemistry laboratory. Yozak had done some preliminary spy-work and found that Saralegui's men often made a point of stopping there for a few drinks when passing through town. The situation couldn't be better to get some information.

Yozak spread out and prepped his containers of make-up as he decided on an undercover story. Her name would be Yoanna, Yozak decided as he started applying the thick foundation. She would be a farm girl, which would make explaining the giant biceps easy. Yes, Yozak thought as he smoothed down and covered up his eyebrows, Yoanna was just a poor lonely farm girl who had always dreamed of moving to the big city and wearing fabulous sparkly dresses. Salsipuede might not be sparkly enough for Yoanna, but it was just a starting point, and she would be sure to bring some glittery disco-inspired fabulousness that no-one would ever forget! Yozak hummed a tune as he began to put on his green eye shadow.

"Yozak, what are you doing?" Conrad asked.

"Preparing to go undercover," Yozak said, indicating his dress, heels, white lacy undergarments, and half-done make-up, "You could too if you want." Yozak paused to size Conrad up. Conrad had worn a dress before, but it had been a disaster. There was more to gender illusion than just putting on some clothes.

Yozak continued to look at Conrad as he had an epiphany. Yoanna could have a friend! A next door neighbor girl friend who had no sense of fashion and a terrible sense of humor, but Yoanna loved her anyway since she was adorably cute and klutzy. And Yoanna would patiently teach her how to put on make-up and act like a lady. And how to do a few other things that weren't quite so lady-like. All the men would want them, but of course Yoanna would always have a special place in her heart for her childhood friend.

Yozak ran a manicured hand down Conrad's side. Ah yes, with a little padding, it would be easy to get the proportions right. "I'll show you how to do your make-up, stuff under your breasts, and tuck in your-"

"Yozak!" Conrad interrupted while stepping away.

"What?" Yozak asked with a bat of his long eyelashes.

Conrad didn't say anything, but communicated all that needed to be said with a glaring stare. A stare that said while he might often find Yozak's drag amusing and appealing, he wasn't often in the mood to do it himself, and now was definitely not one of those times. Not everyone liked to play dress-up as much as Yozak.

"Fine, be that way," Yozak said as he turned back to the dresser mirror. "Some other time, maybe?" he asked hopefully. Yozak still liked the idea of Yoanna's girl friend. Perhaps it would work when Conrad was in a better mood.

"Mph," said Conrad.

"You can be the look-out," Yozak said as he reconsidered the role Conrad could play. Her boyfriend? No, Yoanna didn't have a boyfriend. Conrad could be one of the many love-sick men who followed Yoanna around and carried her things for her. Or perhaps he could be a kindly bystander?

Conrad continued to stand there, filling the room with his uncooperative aura.

"Why don't you go get me some breakfast?" Yozak suggested. "Make yourself useful, while I finish up my girl stuff."

Conrad stomped out of the room and slammed the door.

Yozak pulled Yoanna's sparkly green dress up over his corseted waist and fake boobs. Yoanna liked green. And pink. Yozak tied an oversized pink bow around his waist. Then he put on a pair of high-heeled, boot-sandal shoes. They were shaped like boots, but had sandal straps with flower designs cut into them.

Yozak completed Yoanna's look by adding a pink-handled dagger that he strapped to his thigh. A girl had to be prepared for anything!

~o~

Conrad sat at a corner table in Alkynes of Cleavage and scanned the room. It was too early for the tavern to be completely filled. He didn't like spying and intelligence gathering as much as Yozak did. Conrad would rather confront evil directly with a raised sword. But sometimes you had to find out where the nefarious evil-doers were hiding. And that's where Yozak's spy games came in.

Conrad wondered what was taking Yozak so long. It had been over an hour since he had walked into the back kitchen, application in hand, and giggling like a schoolgirl.

A short time later, Yozak walked by with a tray of drinks.

"I take it you got the job?" Conrad asked.

"Obviously," Yozak said as he set a glass of wine on Conrad's table. He leaned down to whisper in Conrad's ear. "Those men over at the table closest to the bar are from Shou Shimaron." Yozak straightened up.

Conrad knew what to do. He would keep an eye on the exits and the situation in general. He frowned and wondered why Yozak always gave him the boring part.

As if sensing this Yozak leaned forward again, "You're the one who didn't want to wear a dress," he said, then stood up again.

Conrad didn't say anything. A boring job now wasn't too bad as long as if meant he could slice people up later. That was always fun.

"The special tonight is fried fish," Yozak said. "Why don't you try some?" he asked with a giggle and set down a plate.

Conrad looked at Yozak's giant boobs and expertly done make-up. Yozak was serving up fish, in more ways than one. He smiled and gave Yozak a tip.

"The men here are so generous," Yozak exclaimed loudly as he shoved the money into his bra. Then after a final wink at Conrad, Yoanna sashayed off to serve drinks to Saralegui's henchmen.

~o~

"Here's your food and drinks, boys," Yoanna said while swinging her tray over the table.

Friedrich looked up in shock. It was hard not to be impressed by the statuesque muscle bound woman who was serving their food.

"Let me know if you need anything else," Yoanna said with a wink.

"I like big women," Morgan mumbled into his drink.

Twenty minutes later, Yoanna was seated at Friedrich's table, listening wide-eyed to tales of the adventures of some of Saralegui's lowly henchmen.

"Ohh, I've never gotten to travel anywhere," Yoanna said with a hint of longing in her voice. "Except here. Your life must be so exciting," she said while batting her eyes.

Friedrich flushed and took another sip of his drink. "It's nothing special, really. Mostly traveling around and writing reports."

"And you're so modest, too," Yoanna cooed.

Morgan mumbled something that sounded like, "What a woman," into his drink while giving Yoanna the occasional lecherous side-glance. "Bigger is better," he continued.

Friedrich frowned as if noticing for the first time Yoanna's body-builder-esque muscles. "And what about you? You seem to have well developed…biceps for a girl your age."

Yoanna giggled and refilled Friedrich's drink. "Me? I'm just a farm girl. That's how I got so muscular. Plowing with the horses is a lot of work. I never had any brothers or sisters, so I had to do all the farm chores all by myself."

Friedrich nodded in sympathy.

"But they're very useful for waiting tables," Yoanna said with a flex of an impressive bicep. And now I'm ready to have exciting adventures," Yoanna said leaning in closer to Friedrich, "You wouldn't happen to know anywhere a girl could find some excitement around here, would you?"

"Well," Friedrich began

"I always like a lot of woman," Morgan said as he drunkenly dug his fingers into Yoanna's waist.

Yoanna grabbed the back of Morgan's hair and smashed his face into the edge of the table. Morgan groaned and slipped under the table to curl up into a ball of pain.

Yoanna giggled, "Oh, it looks like somebody had too much to drink."

Friedrich frowned. "I should probably take him home," he said.

"You're leaving already?" Yoanna asked with a pout. "Will I ever get to see you again?"

"I'll try to come back in a few weeks," Friedrich said as he dragged Morgan out from under the table. He frowned at the red crease that ran along Morgan's forehead.

"That's such a long time," Yoanna said with a sigh.

Friedrich chewed on his lip, hesitating for a moment, "Here, if you want some excitement, this is where I'll be tomorrow," he said while scribbling a location on a napkin. Then he shoved the napkin into Yoanna's hands and continued to drag his drunken companion out of the tavern

~o~

Conrad watched the exits and still saw nothing. He was getting bored. He wondered if Yozak would have to spend several days before finding the location of Saralegui's nefarious plans. He hoped not. After all, they needed to get everything done fast enough to return to blood pledge castle before Yuuri came back from earth.

One of Saralegui's henchmen stumbled drunkenly out the door as his companion tried to steady him. That probably meant everything had gone according to Yozak's plan.

Suddenly Conrad grunted in surprise as a whole lot of Yozak landed in his lap.

"I got the information, let's go," Yozak whispered into his ear. He wrapped his arms around Conrad's neck. "Carry me out?" he asked.

"No, that would attract too much attention," Conrad said as he stood up, dropping Yozak onto the floor with a thud.

Yozak stood up and brushed himself off, "You're no fun," he said as they left.

"That's because you don't have a very good sense of humor, Yozak," Conrad said with a smile.

* * *


	7. Confronting a Great Weevil

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_And thus the Blue Wind continued to gust throughout the land, helping grateful villagers, townspeople, farmers, and even sour-tempered hermits with his heroic deeds._

_And yet, all these trials were about to be overshadowed by an ominous threat that was gathering on the border near Shou Shimaron. For it had come to pass that a Great Weevil had befallen the farmers there, infesting their young trees and causing terminal wilting._

_And there were whispers of a Greater Weevil yet to come, or so the fearful farmers believed as they stared at their plagued saplings wilting at the tip. And the second Weevil that came to pass was indeed greater than the first, but this one had long silken hair that flowed and gleamed in the wind like the silken strands on the tip of an ear of corn, and lavender glasses that obscured chartreuse eyes above a sensual smirk. The Great Weevil arrived one day with an entourage of minions and vile intentions._

"What happened to the teak trees you were sold by my reforestation company?" Saralegui asked with a deceptively innocent smile.

"I don't think those trees you sold us were any good!" one of the farmers said.

"Yeah," said another, "They all have the same pest problem."

"My, my," Saralegui said with an evil smirk, "You should have thought of that before you signed the contract. Now it looks like I'm going to be forced to confiscate your land."

"You won't get away with this!" a random farmer yelled out from the crowd. A faint murmuring grew as others agreed with her and started voicing their displeasure.

"Oh really?" Sara asked with another diabolical grin, "Who is going to stop me?"

The crowd fell silent.

"That's what I thought," Sara said and twirled a flaxen strand of hair around one finger. "Beries-"

Then in the distance, a clattering of hoofbeats was heard.

"Beries," said Sara, "I thought…"

"Look, he's here!" one of the farmers shouted.

_And indeed, up upon the ridge, silhouetted against the morning sun, stood the Blue Wind. His cerulean cape flapped in the breeze, stretching out elegantly behind him._

" _King Saralegui," the cobalt-clad hero bellowed, "Cease your vile machinations at once!"_

"What a pleasant surprise, _Ao Kaze_ , or should I say - Lord Weller," Saralegui purred.

The crowd gasped. One of Saralegui's minions gasped as well. Conrad slowly removed his mask since it was pretty hot with it on anyway.

"Oh? Was your identity supposed to be a secret?" Sara asked, covering his mouth with a delicate hand. "I'm terribly sorry for such a ghastly indiscretion," he said with a covert smirk.

Conrad clenched his fist and let the blue mask slide from his fingers to fall on the ground below.

"As you can see, I'm quite occupied now, but perhaps we could meet up for supper later." Sara paused to adjust his glasses. "How is Yuuri by the way?"

Conrad's eyes narrowed. "You have no right to be here. I think you should leave," he said.

"Tsk, tsk. You're going to have to work on your manners, Lord Weller. What would King Yuuri think of your diplomatic skills, I wonder?" Sara asked as he removed a rolled up piece of parchment from his robes. "According to this contract, I have every right to be here. I can't say the same for you though."

"You flesh-eating-maggot!" shouted a farmer at King Saralegui. "You're the one who tricked us."

"And who are you going to trust?" Saralegui asked while delicately lifting an eyebrow. "Me, or the man who has already betrayed your country numerous times?"

The crowd lowered their eyes. One of Saralegui's henchmen fidgeted and mumbled under his breath.

"You all signed the same contract. Time to pay up," Saralegui said.

"You never said anything in the contract about losing our land if the trees you sold us died," the farmer pointed out.

"How is it my fault if you didn't read the microscopic fine print at the bottom?" Saralegui asked haughtily. "I need an opportunity to make a profit as well. Otherwise, what incentive would you farmers have to work hard?"

Everyone fell silent again.

"Hmm, well now that all this land is mine, what should I do with it?" Saralegui asked with a sly grin. "Maybe if I'm feeling generous I'll lease it back to you," he paused to give another smile, "But it would be so much fun to build a palatial summer home with a giant swimming pool. Or maybe a golf course? Or a stadium for a rival baseball team that would always beat Yuuri's team?"

_And with a loud yell, the Blue Wind did unsheathe his silver blade. Faster than a strike of lightening he did bid the blade to finish with the Great Weevil once and for all. Shredded parchment fluttered down from the astonished king's hands. Never had a work of more precise and swift swordsmanship been seen before in all the land._

"Beries," said Saralegui, "Please tell me you have a copy of the contract back at the castle."

"Of course not, your Excellency, parchment is expensive."

"Well, it looks as if I've been foiled this once," Saralegui said as he mounted his horse and turned to leave.

The farmers cheered.

Saralegui turned his head, "Don't expect it to happen again," he said sweetly. "Oh, by the way, Lord Weller, send my regards to Yuuri."

"But Saralegui," Beries protested, "I didn't even get a chance to draw my sword."

"You need to save your strength, Beries," Saralegui continued in the same sickly sweet tone, "I'm sure you'll be very busy for the next two months making copies of every single one of my important documents in the castle."

Beries paled and bowed his head, "Of course, your Majesty."

Then Saralegui and his minions, including the hung over Morgan and Fredrich left.

Friedrich paused as the Blue Wind's sidekick winked and blew him a kiss. He spent many days wondering if Yoanna really did have an older brother after all.

~o~

Then the grateful farmers gathered around the Blue Wind. "You've saved our land," one said. He handed the mask solemnly back to Conrad. "Don't worry, we won't ever reveal your identity."

Thy all nodded and shared in the tearful emotional moment.

"But the tips of our tree saplings are still infested with weevils," another farmer pointed out after the emotional pause.

"That does seem to be a terminal problem," Conrad said.

There was a clunk, as a few people passed out from over-exposure to his terrible humor.

_A throat cleared, and everyone turned and saw that one of Saralegui's minions had stayed behind. It was Herman II, the agroforestry technician. He turned and addressed the famed swordsman with misty eyes. "You saved my son's life," he said, kneeling to the ground in front of the hero, "I haven't forgotten about that. Please allow me to repay part of the debt I owe you by helping the farmers."_

_Then the Blue Wind did heroically delegate the task of pruning the saplings and teaching the farmers about inter-cropping to the grateful Herman II._

Surely Herman II could take care of the lesser of two weevils.

~o~

"Did you see the henchman from the tavern?" Yozak asked as they rode off. "I wonder if he recognized me?"

Conrad just grunted.

"Maybe he'll dream of Yoanna tonight."

"In his nightmares, most likely," Conrad said.

"Aww, you're so cute when you're jealous," Yozak said before falling into a fit of giggles.

Conrad frowned. He paused, deep in thought, trying to think of a saying that fit the situation. Yozak had been helpful up until the point when he started talking. "Sidekicks should be obscene and not heard," he said at last.

Yozak snickered. "I like the first part," he said.

* * *

**Interlude: The Giant Mite in the Sky**

* * *

_Even as the Blue Wind traversed throughout the land, other winds of change were blowing. For Varra, the Giant Mite Nebula of Destruction traversed ponderously across the night sky that year, laying eggs as she went. Even the most knowledgable astronomers had no clue as to what this might mean. Some claimed the end of the world was near - for if the land could barely survive the acts of devastation and disaster caused by the celestial movements of the mother acarid, how would anyone survive the destruction that was sure to follow her deluge of offspring once they hatched? Others were more optimistic and pointed out that the celestial beings are not tied to the same biological constraints of like begetting like as mortal creatures. It was entirely possible that Varra's offspring might turn out nothing like their mother and instead bring prosperity upon the land once again. In only one point could the astronomers reach an agreement: a great upheaval or change was coming._

_And maids everywhere set up betting pools as to who was the father of Varra's offspring._

_The Blue Wind, as if sensing these celestial changes taking place, turned his heroic personage away from the grateful borderland populace, and whirled towards the interior. And the grateful denizens of Dai Shimaron held their collective breaths, wondering what changes the hero's next fearless acts would bring._


	8. Wolfram Fills Conrad's Boots

The rock-filled plains of Yarthsura were rugged and grassy. Few lived there except for some sheep and goat raising nomads. It would have been nothing but boring scenery on the way to join Adelbert and his followers if not for the ferocious beast that dwelled there.

Conrad and Yozak had spent the previous night with a group of friendly nomads who had told a tale of a giant monster that lived nearby. It was said to be enormous, big as any dragon, with long horns and writhing legs and an extra pair of front legs that were modified into poison pinchers or poisonous fangs. It would appear suddenly and snatch a sheep or goat in its pointy legs before rapidly snaking away through the tall grass. Fortunately the centipede-beast hadn't eaten any humans…yet. Conrad and Yozak agreed to keep an eye out for the monster as they passed through.

Conrad paused as they approached a large boulder, having glimpsed movement out of the corner of his eye.

"Captain-"

"Remember what I said about being quiet, Yozak?"

"Ok," Yozak said and started unlacing his tunic.

" _That's_ not what I meant."

Yozak pouted. "You're no fun."

Then they heard a scrabbling of many chitinous legs on rock and the beast emerged. It was reddish-brown, with hard plate armor that covered its flattened body. It reared up into the air, legs moving, and venom glinting off the poison fangs near its head.

"Watch out for the poison fangs!" Conrad shouted as the beast charged towards Yozak.

Yozak swung his sword and dodged out of the way. He plunged his sword down into the centipede's tail, slowing its charge towards Conrad.

Before the centipede had time to turn around, Conrad lopped the head off. The monster continued to writhe. Then he chopped the rest of it into smaller pieces until it finally stopped moving. He picked the head up by an antenna and placed it in a saddlebag.

"Gross, why did you keep that?" Yozak asked.

Conrad smiled, and it was a kind, deceptively benign smile. But he couldn't completely hide the twinkle in his eye.

Yozak gulped as he realized he had somehow managed to unleash a terrible pun. He felt the full horror of his impending doom approach as Conrad paused for dramatic effect, allowing the pun to slowly surface.

Conrad's smile grew wider and his eyes formed silvery crescents. "You know what they say, Yozak. It's important to keep a-head of any monsters we might find."

_And the Blue Wind did unleash his terrible sense of humor once more, killing every living being within a ten meter radius with his horrendous play on words._

"I should have known better than to ask," Yozak muttered under his breath.

"Hey look, Yozak. There's a bunch of dead baby centipedes over here."

The Blue Wind had heroically saved the day once again.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Wolfram Fills Conrad's Boots**

* * *

Yuuri stepped out of Shinou's fountain, dripping wet. A towel hit him in the face. Yuuri wiped his face on the towel then looked up to see Wolfram glaring back at him.

"Welcome back, Yuuri." _You certainly took your time_.

"Thanks, Wolfram." Yuuri paused and looked around. "Um, where's Conrad?"

"Humph!" Wolfram folded his arms. "Conrad's off gallivanting around in Dai Shimaron again. I never thought any brother of mine would be so irresponsible."

"Oh, well I guess he has a reason to be there." Yuuri stepped out of the fountain.

"Yuuri, Conrad is neglecting his duty by leaving," Wolfram explained. "But I can do anything he can. I'll be your personal guard tomorrow."

"Really? Thanks Wolfram!" Yuuri said as he gave Wolfram an enthusiastic hug. "Does this mean you'll take me on a morning run and play baseball too?"

Wolfram blushed, and gruffly tried to hide his pleasure. "Of course, isn't that what I just said?"

~o~

The next morning Yuuri awoke to a sleeping Wolfram. An angelic, sleeping, snoring Wolfram who kicked him out of the bed as usual.

Yuuri leaned over and poked Wolfram in the shoulder tentatively. "Hey, uh, shouldn't you be getting up for our morning run?" He tried pulling a corner of the covers away. "Well, that is, if you still want to go on a run, you should probably get up now," Yuuri said and started making a mental list." "Otherwise we won't have enough time to run, wash up, and eat breakfast. You don't want to be late to breakfast, do you, Wolfram?"

Wolfram grumbled in his sleep, then turned over and snored louder.

Yuuri sat down on the edge of the bed. "Well, I guess I'm not going on my morning run after all."

~o~

Wolfram sat up in bed and blearily rubbed his eyes. Yuuri was still in the bedroom and was looking at him expectantly. Wait, did they have something planned for today? Wolfram thought back to the events of the day before. _Oh yes_ , Wolfram had volunteered to go on a morning run with Yuuri, even though two activities that he despised were getting up early, and running. Wolfram glanced at the sun. Drat! He'd overslept.

"WIMP! Why didn't you wake me up?" Wolfram demanded.

"I tried to, but you wouldn't wake up."

Wolfram crossed his arms. "Well you should have tried harder, wimp. How do you expect me to take you on a morning run if you can't even wake me up on time?" He climbed out of the bed and continued glaring at Yuuri.

"If we start now, we'll be late for breakfast," Yuuri said. "Maybe we should skip the run today."

Wolfram turned red. A dark aura filled the room. "Yuuri - you're going on your morning run. Whether you like it or not."

~o~

They arrived at the breakfast table exhausted and out of breath. "Sorry I'm late," Yuuri said, noticing that everyone was nearly finished eating. "Wolfram overslept."

"Wimp! Don't blame this on me," Wolfram said as he sat down and gave Yuuri the evil eye.

Gwendal grumbled into his cup of coffee. "Perhaps Your Majesty should try using all that energy for paperwork." Then he twitched a grumpy eye and grumpily stomped away to grumpily sign royal documents in his office.

"Oh my," squealed Celi, glancing from Yuuri to Wolfram. "Does that mean the engagement is going well?"

"Am I going to get a new brother or sister?" Greta asked.

Wolfram choked on his food.

"Ah, ha ha ha! That's not what I meant at all," said Yuuri, flustered, "Wolfram just agreed to do everything that Conrad usually does, since Conrad isn't here."

"Oh, my," said Celi, and leaned over to pull Yuuri into a boob-hug. "I didn't realize you were so interested in free love, Your Majesty."

Yuuri blushed and pulled away. "No, that's not what I meant either. This is just all a big misunderstanding!"

The maids giggled and raced away to the kitchen to place new bets on the Maou's love life.

Wolfram's face turned a dangerous shade of red. His fists shook. "Mother-" he began.

Before Mount Wolfram could erupt, Greta starting shoving forkfuls of scrambled eggs into his mouth. "Eat your breakfast, Papa Wolfram, before it gets cold."

Yuuri picked at his breakfast. "Why does everything here have to be so complicated?"

~o~

Gunter's eyes sparkled. His lavender hair twirled around as he danced with the precious history book and taught his beloved King every minute detail from the reign of Rosalinde the humorless. Rosalinde von Voltaire was best known for implementing a revised legal code for the Mazoku, and then grumbling over the mountains of paperwork that the new laws produced. Gunter was currently about half-way through reading Rosalinde's two-hundred page legal masterpiece, and Yuuri felt his eyes begin to twitch. Just when Yuuri felt as if he couldn't take any more, Wolfram appeared.

"Hey Wolfram, did you come to rescue me from my history class so we could play baseball?" Yuuri whispered as Wolfram sat down next to him.

Wolfram snorted. "Of course not, wimp. You need to finish your lessons first. How do you ever expect to become a good King if you skip your lessons?"

"But exercise is good for the brain," Yuuri protested. "Ask Gisela, I'm sure she'll agree."

"Oh Majesty!" Gunter noticed that Yuuri wasn't paying attention. His bottom lip trembled, and his entire body drooped. "Do you hate me so much that you feel the need to escape my classes?"

"Haha, of course not, Gunter." Yuuri scratched his head. "It's just that after hearing the part about mandatory pruning of tree limbs near all walkways, I wanted to go outside and uh… look at the gardens."

"But that was fifteen pages ago!" Gunter flipped back to re-read the law Yuuri had mentioned.

Yuuri slumped back down onto the desk. "I'm doomed."

Wolfram pounded a fist on the table. "Yuuri, pay attention or you'll never finish."

Yuuri continued his history lesson while Wolfram watched.

~o~

It was nearly dark out by the time Yuuri had a chance to play baseball. The second throw of the evening was high and fast and hit Yuuri directly between the eyes.

"WIMP! How could you have missed that?"

Yuuri rubbed his forehead. "Ow, Wolfram, you need more practice pitching."

Wolfram walked over and grabbed Yuuri by the collar of his shirt "Yuuri, are you insinuating that I can't do something as well as my brother?"

"Conrad's had a lot more time to practice. You just need to be patient and have fun." Yuuri gave Wolfram a smile. "That's what baseball is about after all, having fun."

"Maybe that's why you're such a wimp." Wolfram said and released Yuuri. "Games should be about preparing for combat, not just fun."

Yuuri re-adjusted his uniform and sighed. "Maybe we could try a different game. Do you have any that you enjoy, Wolfram?"

Wolfram smirked. "I learned a new game while practicing baseball with Conrad. Would you like to try playing dodge the fireballs?" Wolfram held his hand up and a fireball formed.

"How is this supposed to prepare me for combat?" Yuuri shouted as he ran away.

"Yuuri! Get back here and have fun!" Wolfram raged.

~o~

The next morning, Yuuri skipped his morning run since playing dodge the fireballs last night had given him enough exercise for the rest of the week. He started his paperwork in Gwendal's office, on time for once. After finishing his first stack of papers Yuuri asked, "Hey, Gwendal, how much longer until Conrad comes back?"

"Perhaps if Your Majesty spent more time on paperwork and less time asking questions you'd be done by now," Gwendal said.


End file.
